by: Cady Childs
Every season has some trend that is absurd to the point of ridiculous, but some seasons go further than others. For fans of the absurd, the Fall 2015 ridiculousness does not disappoint.
We saw a lot of these wide legged, high ankle cropped pants on the runway this year for Fall/Winter. Naturally, on bird-like, goddess-bodied women with the subtlest of curves like Athena, and about eight physical trainers by their sides. Of course, the runways have never been known to showcase reality, but in all seriousness, these designers have gone over the line. Because telling me I should feel sexy and confident in a pair of culottes is like trying to tell me I should dress up like Grimace from McDonald’s and feel so fresh.
‘Culottes’ as they are now called, originally became popular during the Victorian Era. Long split skirts were born for women to ride horses without riding side-saddle. They allowed freedom to do things like gardening, cleaning, and kicking back with a nice glass of vermouth without a massive hoop skirt stopping you from sitting down. (Get it girl.) They were empowering, like a whisper of feminism through a couple of seams down a wide skirt. In this situation, culottes, actually, kind of ruled.
But today, high fashion magazines are trying to tell me that pairing a wide-legged pair of pastel blue highwater bell-bottoms with studded stilettos and a white sleeveless blouse will make me feel like a million bucks. Or even better– matte brown leather culottes paired with a jean jacket and a scarf for an ‘I woke up like this’ accidentally chic moment. Or- the best one- paired with black Doc Martens and an acid yellow cross-body purse because early 2000’s Goth is so worthy of emulating.
Vogue, Elle, go home, you are both drunk.
Unless you are Karlie Kloss, the likelihood of you feeling great in wide-legged leather culottes is zero to nil, let alone the fact that they cut off the length of your legs. Full writer’s disclaimer here- if you feel good in culottes, “You do you, Boo.” But if you’re like the rest of us normal human beings, these things make you feel like you’re quickly approaching retirement at a really crappy golf resort in Jacksonville, Florida, where the strongest thing you can drink is an Arnold Palmer sweetened with Splenda. We are not meant to wear balloons around our legs, especially those that make us look shorter and rounder. These bottoms also build a case for less is more, as any accessory or staple piece added makes it look more and more like a carpet bagger ensemble from the early Twentieth century.
There are some of us that base our wardrobes very much on high trend pieces, and there is nothing wrong with that, but seriously y’all, I can only go so far. These magazines and media outlets act like we should all feel like a million bucks in a trend that is only flattering to a very small percentage of individuals. I ask you, as a friend and comrade, to really think before you buy into this ‘must have.’ Because really, after this Fall, when are you going to wear those culottes again? Do you think they’ll be trendy again next year? Do I need to remind y’all what happened to the cape? Tread carefully this season, my friends, and if you are treading in your culottes, at least you know that your ankles will be breezy and free, and no puddles will touch your hemlines. And please don’t get the pastel blue ones, okay?